You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize