the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
