Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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