no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
