I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
