I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
