I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
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NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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