Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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