I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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