Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
pop tarts are not kleenex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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