I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're like the curious george of whores
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
