"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
