I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
