you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
