I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
