the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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