Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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