Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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