Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize