my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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