some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
