U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
