I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
