I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
