Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
