um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you never un-have a 4some
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
