Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
