i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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