Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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