so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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