He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
