I just cut my nipple shaving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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