We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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