the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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