I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
