I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud π³
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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