Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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