if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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