i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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