im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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