last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
