My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
