Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
