Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
