I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
