So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
