So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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