If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
