I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So vagazzling was a success
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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