It's Friday. Sex?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
