I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
