so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
