The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
