So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
