do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He felt like a one man threesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
