OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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