FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
