We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
