so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
