I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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