I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
