I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
