Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
