my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
