her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
