if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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